The unspeakable horror of Canning Bridge

Mr HYDE was the father of James Dyson’s best man at his wedding back in 1841. A few years after this was written, he was dead.

This is not the reason for reposting this 1848 article, instead it is for its content, which I find shocking and offensive in the extreme. I was appalled to discover that once again our history has been whitewashed, our common heritage suppressed. I am appalled that Canning Bridge, the crossing between South Perth and Applecross has been denied it’s traditional name. I am outraged that we no longer refer to this portal as Hell’s Gates.

The first bridge across this hellmouth was constructed in 1850. It washed away. The next one burnt down. There was another one which lasted from 1892 until 1938 when the ghost-fence we currently enjoy was erected.

Hell’s Gate c 1906


Why was I denied the opportunity to attend Hell’s Gate Senior High School? I mean, I think I did anyway, but WHY WASN’T IT CALLED THAT? Think of all those residents of green and leafy suburbs of Applecross, Ardross, etc. who miss out on paying their rates to the CITY OF HELL’S GATE. Write to your local member of parliament. Demand the name be changed. You are being denied your democratic right to vote for the Right Honourable Member for HELL’S GATE.

So until you next run the gauntlet under the gimlet gaze of the pelicans of terror, consider now this short photo essay of the environs of Canning Bridge, the once and future Hell’s Gate*

The approach of doom
The abandoned shopping trolley of death
The dead Jellyfish of horror
The nightmare crossing
Waters of Armageddon
The point of no return
Unspeakable horror
The ducks of evil
from whose maw no traveller returns

*This article may have been written under the influence too much caffeine.

Beware the pelicans of terror.